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 Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)

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Inquisitor Doomlord
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PostSubject: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:08 am

The Space Marines follow strict rules and guidelines, most of which are listed below.

>1) Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter B-----s" nor >shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage," >lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a >shuttle.

>2) Thou shalt not comment on the odd shape of the Inquisitor's head.

>3) Thou shalt not do "wheelies" or "donuts" on you bike.

>4) Thou shalt not have a "kegger" on the eve of battle, thus making >yourselves less effective on the morn.

>5) Thou shalt not refer to the Almighty Emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude."

>6) Orks are not "cute!"

>7) Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.

>Cool Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons."

>9) The Chapter Master is not a "drag."

>10) Thou shalt not check to see if your bolt pistol is loaded by looking >down the barrel!

>11) Thou shalt not go on panty raids into Sister Of Battle monasteries.

>12) Thou shalt not use thy scope for anything outside of battle. Anyone >caught using them to spy out life mates shall lose privileges.

>13) Do not sell thy extra organs on the Black Market.

>14) Though it is entertaining, thou shalt not wave a fly swatter near the >Tyranid fleets.

>15) Thou shalt not use thine chainsword as a backscratcher.

>16) Thou shalt not use thine pistol as a q-tip.

>17) Thou shalt not attempt to imitate heathen noise marines with "heavy >metal" or "death metal" through thine COM speakers.

>18) Although tempting, do not attempt to give a Tau a "high-five."

>19) Thou shalt not laugh at how small IG men are.

>20) Thou shalt not bend to the will of nerds playing war games, and act >upon your own free will.

>21) Though shalt not tap the glass on the Dreadnought.

>22) Though shalt not feed the Orks.

>23) Though shalt not transmit images of unclothed Sisters through the >Astropaths.

>24) Though shalt not advertise on thine armour.

>25) Though shalt not wave fake skulls at the Berserkers.

>26) Thou shall not wave a red flag near a chaos dreadnought.

>27) Thou shall not tape pictures to your armour.

>28) Thou shall not release spiders inside the dreadnought.

>29) Thou shall not use thy bolter to kill bees.

>30) Thou shall not sniff warp fumes.

>31) Commisar Yarrick is not a pirate

>32) Thou shalt not use a tau shield drone as a frisbee

>33) Barney the dinosaur is not your friend

>34) Barney the dinosaur must be destroyed

>35) Thou shalt not refer to the imperial guard as 'spotlighters'

>36) 'He started it' is not an excuse for punching the guardsmen

>37) 'Because its funny' is not an excuse for punching the guardsmen

>38) Thou shalt not steal the chapter master's land raider to pick up sisters

>39) Thou shalt not steal the guard's lasguns to play laser tag

>40) The monolith is not a disco

>41) The necrons are not 'asimos'

>42) The necrons are not coke dispensers

>43) The sisters of battle DO NOT run a strip club on weekends

>44) Thou shalt not load thine bolters with silly string

>45) Thou shalt not put corks un the assault marines' jump packs

>46) The primarch does not sell designer trousers

>47) Thou shalt not call the Black Templars emo

>48) Always wear thine armour, thou ist not invincible!

>49) Do not use bug spray on the nids

>50) Do not steal a tau stealthsuit to sneak into the sisters' monastery

>51) Thou ist not 'terminator'

>52) Do not get 'terminator' and 'terminator armour' confused, it can get messy

>53) C3P0 is not a servitor

>54) The 'high lords of terra' are not on drugs

>55) Do not hold a magnet near the iron hands

>56) A squegee is not a weapon

>57) Thou shalt not plug thine radio into the monastery generators

>58) The hive tyrant does not need a 'time out'

>59) Do not pet the Tau 'devilfish'

>60) Do not spike the sister's drinks

>61) Thou shalt not fight over who art the real Sanguinus

>62) Bruce Campbell is thy lord and master

>63) Remember thou art mortal and therefore not to stick a fork into the toaster, no matter how badly it's jammed, leave it to the Techpriests.

>64) Unless requested to do so in the Emperor's ordained 'Stunt Show' Thou shalt not attempt to jump your Bike over the Imperial Guard on parade, even if it is effing awesome to watch...

>65)Regardless of how tempting it is, any Space Marine caught painting a Smiley Face on the Dreadnought will be forced to run into a Tyranid Hive smeared with Honey.

>66)Thou shalt not use the Meltagun when you have forgotten where you left the keys to the Rhino or to the barracks door.

>67)No Marine is allowed take a Flamer and a Jumppack and pretend to be 'The Fury', otherwise you will be punished by your superior officer, unless you are the superior officer...

>68)Do not attempt to piss off a Chaos Dreadnought.

>69)Seriously... don't piss off the Chaos Dreadnought, even though its kinda kick-ass to watch them rampage through their own guys.

>70)What happens in Black Reach, stays in Black Reach...

>71)Thou shalt not ask Terminator troops to use their Power Fists to open tin cans.

>72)Thou shalt not say "Use the force" to a psyker.

>73)Thou shalt be awesome at electric guitar

>74)Thou shalt not use a guardsman to wipe thy backside when there is no more toilet paper.

>75)Thou shalt not confuse thyself with Terrans of Stacraft

>76)Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' bumper sticker on a Sister's rhino.

>77)Thou shalt not honk if you see a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' bumper sticker on a Sister's rhino.

>78)Thou shalt not use thy Lasgun to heat canned meat.

>79)Thou shalt not use thy captain's Powerfist to open canned meat.

>80)Thou shalt not ask a Sister if you might 'Deposit some of your geneseed'.

>81)Thou shalt not use the phrase 'If the rhino be a-rocking, don't come a-knocking'.

>82)Thou shalt not tip the Terminators during the battle.

>83)Thou shalt not walk around thy Librarian thinking "Can you hear me?"

>84)Thou shalt not pin "Burn Me" on a guardsman's back.

>85)Thou shalt not Deep Strike into the Sisters of Battle shower room.

>86)Thou shalt not ask if thy can take the Titan "For a spin?"

>87)Thou shalt not use a lasgun as a lighter.

>88)Thou shalt not replace thy brother's bolter with a lasgun.

>89)Though shalt not be enticed by the Eldar women

>90)Thou shalt not attempt to f**k slaneesh

>91)Thou shalt not attempt to f**k nurgle (but who'd want to)

>92)The daemons of slaneesh are not 'pleasure daemons'

>93)Khorne is not a foot fungus

>94)Thou shalt not refer to the eye of terror as 'da uvver gang's turf'

>95)Do not try to load 'world of whorecraft' into the titan targetting systems

>96)Thou shalt not try to seduce a sister of battle

>97)Thou shalt not put a 'kick me' sign on the guard's back while an ork squiggoth is running loose

>98)Do not use Lukas the Trickster to keep your lunch fresh

>99)Thou shalt not tempt the space wolves with raw meat

>100)Craftworld Ulthwe is not a leisure resort

>101)Thou shalt not refer to the Eldar as 'Coneheads'

>102)Tzeeentch wull kill you. No he won't. yes he will. no he won't. yes he will.....

>103)Do not wave fake skulls at the bezerkers

>104)The Tyranids came from the blackness at the ede of thine galaxy, not the darkness in the toilet

>105)Thou shalt not ask the cannoness if you can show here your own 'hand cannon'

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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:39 am

wat
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:47 am

>39) Thou shalt not steal the guard's lasguns to play laser tag


DAMNIT

wait... Im in the tau, FUCK YO RULES!
*steals all the laser guns*
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:00 pm

katatonic717 wrote:
>39) Thou shalt not steal the guard's lasguns to play laser tag


DAMNIT

wait... Im in the tau, FUCK YO RULES!
*steals all the laser guns*
HERESY! DESTROY THIS FILTH!
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:05 pm

JustBarney wrote:
katatonic717 wrote:
>39) Thou shalt not steal the guard's lasguns to play laser tag


DAMNIT

wait... Im in the tau, FUCK YO RULES!
*steals all the laser guns*
HERESY! DESTROY THIS FILTH!

It's Kat.what do you expect?

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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sat Aug 21, 2010 6:29 pm

doomlord1992 wrote:
JustBarney wrote:
katatonic717 wrote:
>39) Thou shalt not steal the guard's lasguns to play laser tag


DAMNIT

wait... Im in the tau, FUCK YO RULES!
*steals all the laser guns*
HERESY! DESTROY THIS FILTH!

It's Kat.what do you expect?
I don't what to expect anymore, but can I still destroy him?
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sat Aug 21, 2010 7:38 pm

You and the space marines need to get a room tongue Wink

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Inquisitor Doomlord
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 2:31 am

JustBarney wrote:
doomlord1992 wrote:
JustBarney wrote:
katatonic717 wrote:
>39) Thou shalt not steal the guard's lasguns to play laser tag


DAMNIT

wait... Im in the tau, FUCK YO RULES!
*steals all the laser guns*
HERESY! DESTROY THIS FILTH!

It's Kat.what do you expect?
I don't what to expect anymore, but can I still destroy him?

yes

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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 3:32 am

Jenkins wrote:
You and the space marines need to get a room tongue Wink



HAHAHAHAH! lolcry lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:07 am

Jenkins wrote:
You and the space marines need to get a room tongue Wink
You're too late, I already got a room with the Sisters of Battle tongue
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:09 am

im off with the Black Templars. tongue
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:24 am

and then give me a room with the Tyranids plzzz

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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:47 am

TheCaptain943 wrote:
im off with the Black Templars. tongue

FUCK YEAH!

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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:53 am

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1240760_99060101236_SMBTEmperorschampmain_873x627.jpg
http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1240840_99060101315_SMTermChaplainmain_873x627.jpg

Stolen from Love Tub
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Inquisitor Doomlord
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:55 am

The Chaplain is hawt

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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:58 am

Indeed. I Always wanted to have this guy and give him the Champs sword. But well, i never did it.
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:25 pm

Fuck Space Marines, I follow Chaos.
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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Tue Aug 24, 2010 2:40 am

You and your chaos gods will soon fell the Emperor's Fury!

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PostSubject: Re: Rules of the Astartes(some education for u maggots)   Tue Aug 24, 2010 4:02 am

MY SPACE RULES DICTATE THAT WHEN A THREAD IS INFESTED WITH OFF-TOPIC SPAM, IT MUST BE LOCKED.
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